Seeking, seeking, seeking.
I’m always seeking the deeper meaning behind everything.
Nightly I climb into bed with a book and my journal, waiting for the day to let me go and to become sleepy. I receive a lot of guidance during this nightly practice. Sometimes I’m a little too sleepy to gather the information, and something else will alert me to the message I need to hear. Last night, as I closed my journal on the words, “the message you need will always find you.” I turned out my bedside lamp, and lay down, already nearly asleep. I was jolted fully awake, by a male voice, loud, booming.
The voice said, “Searching… Searching.”
I sat up, trying to find my sanity over the fear of being brought to the present by an unknown sound. Not even a sound, but a man’s voice, and by the sounds of him a very large man! I don’t frighten easily at night, it’s dark, but sometimes, so am I, so what’s to be afraid of? And fear, fear is often just a trick of the mind, a disconnection from the greater part of ourselves that knows we are always safe. Still, if there’s a strange guy yelling from my living room, I’m going to be kind of afraid.
My mind went down two paths, or maybe it was more that my mind was traveling one way and my soul was traveling another. My mind was feeling for what in the house could logically make such a ruckus, as simultaneously my soul was asking me to understand the message it was trying to share with my sleepy human body and mind. A message I had likely ignored and was being brought to in an obvious and quirky way.
My searching mind landed quickly on the cause of the man disturbing my sleep loudly from my living room, a sound bar that is solidly connected to my television, so much so that I have never heard it searching for a signal, so I didn’t know what it was. I relaxed, pulled on a sweater, and found the cat, a suspected accomplice to the disturbance. I laughed, as I found him curled up in a chair on a yoga blanket, and right beside the TV. I appreciated finding the cause of the loud awakening, and still, I was following the invitation, searching. Searching.
What did it mean? I’d found the logical cause, but still I couldn’t let go of the specific words as they were repeated, loudly, from my living room. I thought for a moment about finding the physical causes of things and how they relate to messages from spirit, and pondered whether the truth of it is simply that our perception is entirely what gives something truth, at least for us, our own truths. What if our logical perceptions sometimes, oftentimes, maybe for some all of the time, interfere with our innate ability to decipher symbols and messages from our deeper consciousness and beyond? What if, the very thing that will bring us to our deepest truth and our greater understanding is buried beneath our ability to recognize, accept, and perceive the signs we often ignore by relating them to common occurrences, like finding a penny on the ground, the song that keeps repeating, or kooky nightly awakenings such as waking at the same time each night or a man’s voice loudly searching in your living room. And if there is an unknown actual person yelling in your living room, maybe call some help for that.
Helpful tip: When deciphering signs, there is one really helpful way to determine soul understanding from ego understanding. Besides recognizing signs, the most important part of deciphering them is to calm your ego to more clearly access your deeper, inner truth. If you’re receiving information as rude, appeasing, self-gratifying or urgent, as an ultimatum, or find yourself manipulating signs to fit your situation, the interpretation is not from your highest self. That’s ego, my love.
As an example, I once met with a client who had been experiencing a break-up. He was beside himself and his heart was just aching for this person he didn’t want to let go of. He used the words twin flame, and I always tread carefully around this topic. Labeling relationships as twin flames can be damaging to the healing process, and regardless of whether a partner is truly a twin flame tends to convolute our clarity, potentially stunt our own growth, and we can create drama that extends our discomfort. He continued to share what he perceived as signs that he was supposed to be with this person, and they were the types of signs that our ego loves to use to trip us up. One of them was that he kept seeing their model of car everywhere he went. Not the actual car, but the color and model of the car they drove. He so much wanted them in his life, that he was egoically grasping at any straw to bring her closer. If someone doesn’t want to be with us, our higher selves aren’t going to draw us to them. If someone doesn’t want us, we cannot interfere with their free will. If the relationship is meant to be, healing ourselves and moving past our egos to the signs that heal us and lift us up are where our souls meets us.
Besides, if someone is truly our soulmate or twin flame and we reincarnate with them lifetime after lifetime, why would we be devastated not to be with them for a minute? We are here to experience our own growth. The signs we interpret are meant for our highest growth and benefit. If signs aren’t bringing us peace, if they are making us feel sick or angry, bring panic or urgency, we feel devastated or pacified, we are interpreting from ego and not from a higher, loving and guiding space. During break-ups or loss, and other times when our hearts are tender, are especially important times to mind the ego. I’ve absolutely fallen, and deeply, into this trap myself many times. It’s common, it’s part of the learning process, it’s nothing to be ashamed of, and once we accept that our own egos can create some real fuckery, then we know we are truly on the path to greater knowledge and clarity of understanding.
Another helpful tip: If you’re struggling with ego interpretation, try simply telling your inner gatekeeper, your ego, to step back. As the soul of your body and mind, you are in charge and you have the absolute power to put ego in its place. Often in the practice of spirituality and magic, the simple recognition and acceptance of something is incredibly powerful. Ego, I see you, I know you serve a purpose, please step aside, thank you.
What did it mean, the man searching in my bungalow in the middle of the night? I still don’t know but what I do know is that we are surrounded by clues to successfully navigate our paths in life, and these come from spirit, from spirit guides, from our loved ones who have passed, our ancestors, and they also come from a deep conscious soul – the very stuff we are made of, our highest selves. There are many methods for identifying and staying our true and destined paths. Interpreting signs is one of them. When you perceive something that you feel may be a sign, stop asking if it is. Accept that it is a sign and go deep with yourself, settle your ego, and discern what the signs mean for you. Trust yourself, you are the expert of your own life.